If I die, I want you to tell everybody I died in the coolest way possible.

Hi, I'm not John Cheese. (Actually, John Cheese isn't John Cheese, and that other John Cheese isn't even the John Cheese who's not John Cheese, though I think he sort of is, too. But I digress.) This is a roleplaying journal and basically everything on it is an outrageous lie. I don't know any of the beautiful people who own any of the various beautiful parts of John Dies at the End, but it made me laugh and scream and I wanted to make people laugh and scream, too. Please don't sue me.

Feel free to use this post to contact the player for all issues and concerns regarding characterization, activity, abilities, timeline, or whatever else. Also, I love to plot so please do poke me here if you're interested in doing stuff with this crazy ass motherfucker!

And finally: a promise. AT SOME POINT JOHN IS PROBABLY GOING TO OFFEND YOU. It might be right away. It might be two tags in. We might have great CR and then at some point three weeks down the line he will say something so outrageously inappropriate that you will be like, what kind of asshole would ever say that? And the answer will be, John. He is a pretty nice guy, but he is not sensitive, he is not politically correct, and he is not thinking about how other characters and much less players are going to react to the shit coming out of his mouth. IF YOU WOULD PREFER not to interact with John, feel free to leave a note here and I will do my best to remember never to tag you. (And obviously, you should probably avoid tagging him and reading his threads.) And honestly that's really about all I can do. There will be no hard feelings should you choose to opt-out so if you are easily upset by characters being dicks, I would recommend it.

COMMENTS SCREENED. Let me know if I'm forgetting anything <3