John Cheese (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dies_at_the_end) wrote2013-01-21 10:39 am
dies_at_the_end) wrote2013-01-21 10:39 am
Entry tags:
✌ before we make a bomb I have to shave half the dog
☞ Player Information;
Name: Alms
Contact: journal pm
Other characters currently played at Ryan's Gulch: N/A
☞ Character Information;
Character Name: John Cheese
Canon: John Dies at the End
OU or AU?: OU - book canon, rather than film, though for simplicity's sake I am using film icons.
Canon point: The end of the book!
Setting: Effectively, the world from which John hails is pretty much the real world, at least up to a point.
The difference between his world and ours (at least, I hope it's different,) is that some seriously bad shit is about to go down. Everyone's got a ghost story, right? That creepy old woman you saw at midnight, walking through your wall... the red eyes glowing under your kitchen sink... waking up paralyzed, surrounded by little gray men? For John, all of that is real... sort of. It might not be what it looks like-- we always kind of see what we expect to see-- but there's something there, something bad, and it wants to get all the way through. After taking a drug of not-so-earthly-origin colloquially known as Soy Sauce, John is able to see all these things that go bump in the night, whether he wants to or not.
To the outside observer, it's business as usual; to those in the know, the forces of Hell (or something near enough to Hell as to be the same thing) are seriously about to crash our party and we're all going to die horribly. And probably miserably, because they've all got the sense of humor of a dimwitted fourteen-year-old boy. But hey, spend long enough seeing things that aren't there, and you get used to even that.
(see here for a bit more info)
History:
(see here for a basic plot synopsis)
John Cheese (not his real name, obviously) was born in a small, undisclosed city in the American Midwest. It's a little bit of a shithole, but overall pretty average-- aside from the fact that it has "more than quadruple the rate of mental illness per capita than any other city in the state." There is little we can say for his early life, except that it was (as his later life) marked by him doing a lot of dumb shit. John went to school with David Wong, and during that time made a habit of reckless, dangerous, and generally ridiculous behavior. He was kicked out of several classes for lewdness, and if they could have proved he'd intentionally blown up that Bunsen burner, he probably would have been expelled.
Since graduating high school (John didn't go to college,) he has been sliding by on this and that. He's been through six jobs in three years, and is the frontman of a band called Three Arm Sally (previously Fat Jackson's Flap Wagon). That's about the sum total of his life, before the Soy Sauce incident: he does the absolute minimum amount of work to get by, never misses a party, and keeps his costs down by surviving primarily on abysmally shitty alcohol and making his friends buy his cigarettes.
Things change (sort of) after a Three Arm Sally show, when John meets a guy with a fake Jamaican accent calling himself Robert Marley, who's offering up a drug he calls Soy Sauce. Showing remarkable forethought and concern for himself, John happily injects the unidentified black substance into his veins.
This is where things get a little fuzzy.
John remembers being at home, faced with a chimeric monster with a hairy scorpion tail, crawling around on seven tiny pink baby hands. It bit through his shoe. He also remembers calling David about twenty times, but he's pretty sure the calls will be spread out over the next decade or so. He remembers going to Vegas to steal some shit from Elton John and save the world, but obviously that hasn't happened yet. He doesn't, however, remember how he got home. Also, he's really not sure about the order of things. Also, pretty much everyone else at the party ends up dead or missing, and "Robert" explodes. Oops.
Anywho, as it turns out, the only call David gets that night is the "please come help me" call, not the "don't come here no matter what you do" call, and of course Dave wants to take him to the hospital. And of course Dave can't see the goddamn monster, even when the thing is hanging off his back. And of course John is still tripping balls on his interdimensional super drug, so he's in no shape to explain things. Anyway, one thing leads to another, and he manages to talk his friend out of going to the hospital; possibly the fact that David receives a temporally misplaced phone call helps. Unfortunately, before long David ends up accidentally dosed with the Sauce, and both of them end up at the police station. And that's where John dies. (Not at the end, though.)
While he's dead, John communicates with Dave through a cell phone, a bratwurst, and later a dog, to guide his friend toward their showdown with spooky evil in Las Vegas. When David and the dog catch up to John and company-- in the back of a stolen van driven by an annoying gangsta kid possessed by demonic insect things calling themselves Shitload-- he manages to get his consciousness back into his body. Which was clearly resuscitated at some point.
Several hideous deaths later, John and Dave and a couple other people end up saving the world in Las Vegas while wearing hideous stage clothes stolen from Elton John's tour bus. A few people end up not only dead but entirely retroactively erased from existence-- including John and Dave's friend Todd, who we've never heard of, because, you know, retroactively erased from existence-- but the forces of evil are driven back. John steals several hundred copies of Albert Marconi's book, and everyone heads home, though not before Molly the wonder-dog wins them a fuck-ton of money in the casinos. Hooray!
But yeah, that's not the end, either.
For a while John and Dave drift apart. They both grow goatees. John goes to jail for a couple of weeks, but it's no biggie. Dave shacks up with Jennifer Lopez (not the actress), tries to live a normal life, and periodically forgets everything that has happened since Vegas. Unfortunately, while the Soy Sauce wears off, the side effects don't-- both are still able to see ghosts and ghouls and creepy shit, and eventually the creepy shir starts demanding attention, so John and Dave team up for some awesome back-asswards ghost busting action, because what else are you gonna do?
Things get really weird, though, when Amy Sullivan goes missing. Amy's the little sister of Big Jim Sullivan, one of the guys from the Vegas adventure; John's been keeping an eye on her, per his promise to Jim. (He also keeps his promise to spread rumors that the ghost of Fred Chu is haunting Undisclosed, because John is an amazing friend.) John enlists Dave's help in trying to find her, and long story short, it turns out this is all part of a complicated part by a giant, evil, obscene organic supercomputer creature in a parallel dimension called Korrok who wants to take over our world and pretty much destroy everyone and everything for its own amusement. Obviously, John and Dave say Fuck that, and set out to wreck some shit. A few more hideous deaths, massive explosions, and one half-shaven dog with diarrhea later, and the world is safe! For now.
Except, it turns out Dave is actually a clone of himself made by Korrok and co., who is probably going to turn into a monster and eat everyone at some point. And the real Dave is dead in Dave's toolshed. But Monster Dave seems pretty much the same as real (dead) Dave, so they pretty much decide to roll with it.
SO, in the end, it's like this: John is working on and off, mostly construction, and playing (terrible) music when he can. Dave is working at Wally's Vid-ee-oh!, and sort of dating Amy Sullivan. Molly the dog is-- well, no one really knows whats wrong with that weird animal. Everyone is happy! But Korrok's still out there, and still pretty much bent on breaking through to kill everyone. Still, life goes on. And Monster Dave sucks as much at basketball as Regular Dave did.
THE END.
Personality:
The easiest place to start might be this: John is basically the king of bad ideas. He has a long, sordid history of doing really stupid stuff. He's not stupid, exactly (though he's not that smart either); he just doesn't think of the consequences of his actions-- or at least, he doesn't value the consequences over the immediate gratification of doing something hilarious or exciting or interesting. As Dave says, John has always had "...a terrible habit of carrying out his drunken 3:00 am ideas even after daylight and sobriety came. It was always 3:00 am for John." John lives in the fucking moment, and the sad thing is, that's probably the only thing standing between the whole world and total annihilation right now. You're welcome.
The upside of this is, he's pretty hard to faze-- whether that's because of his tendency towards optimism or the fact that his brain is so fried from years of poor decision-making is debatable. Still, it means that once he takes the Soy Sauce and ends up seeing ghosts and monsters and shit and dying for a while and slipping around in time and communicating from beyond the grave through a bratwurst, he takes to hunting ghosts and saving the world like a fish to water. As Dave explains it, "He's been waiting his whole life for something like this, just to prove the universe is as retarded as he's always pictured it in his head." Habitually attuned to seeing the ridiculous side of things, John is basically never surprised. He operates on a weird mixture of instinct and twisted pop-culture life lessons that end up working out pretty well for him. John leads a charmed life, aside from the fact that evil shit tries to kill him on a regular basis. All in all he's pretty chill.
Other than all the ghost stuff, he's kind of your average burnout slacker dude. He's been through six jobs in three years, and can't decide whether he wants to go into politics (in spite of the fact that he didn't go to college) or porn. He broke his wrist van surfing, he's got burn scars on the back of his thighs (he claims they're from an incident with homemade fireworks; Dave believes it was a failed attempt to build a jetpack), he once shattered a school window by "accidentally" blowing up a Bunsen burner. John once passed out cold in his car, in the line at a drive-thru, after five days of no sleep, no food, fucktons of vodka, and some concoction of household chemicals he was using for speed. This is all perfectly normal in his world. He is an unquestionable thrill-seeker, and essentially he's fearless.
He has absolutely no sense of self-preservation when it comes to getting high. Seriously. Some dude he just met named Bob Marley hands him a syringe full of mysterious, moving black shit and he is up for it. (What the fuck, John.)
All that aside, though, he's actually a pretty good guy. Make no mistake, he's full of shit, but he's pretty straightforward and he will do what he can, in his by-the-ass-of-his-pants chaotic way, to protect the people he gives a shit about and save the world and whatever. He tends to keep his promises, even if you can't trust him to pay you back for dinner. He'll mock his friends mercilessly but he'll stick by them. Even when it turns out you're actually your own evil twin and liable to turn into a vicious, mindless monster at any second.
He's got a surprising knack for making the situation seem less pants-shittingly horrible than it actually is. He is, unquestionably, the guy who will make you laugh so you don't cry.
The overall effect is an immature, thrill-seeking hyperactive puppy of a man-child who's actually pretty good at battling supernatural forces of darkness. Also, he loves talking about his penis. Loves it. He could go on for days.
Abilities: Uh, I think the best thing you can say for John is that he's remarkably resilient and nearly fearless. He might also, potentially, be insane.
Also, due to the fact that he's taken Soy Sauce (and survived), he's capable of seeing things that aren't exactly real in the traditional sense, which means various demonic and monstrous and ghostly things, though it's not entirely reliable and honestly he tends to ignore them most of the time. He also has a bad habit of remembering things that haven't happened yet, for the same reason, though that's really only relevant to his own universe and timeline.
If he gets hold of some of the Sauce, that's a different matter. John describes taking Soy Sauce as "like an Insane Clown Posse concert where all fifty thousand members of the audience are given their own microphone and sound system, and they all start simultaneously improvising bad freestyle rap verses." It heightens senses, and allows one a certain amount of freedom from the constraints of time and space, though there's not much that can really be done to change the outcome of things. Sort of. It's complicated: for example, during his first Soy Sauce trip, John calls David about twenty times, but warns him that he'll probably be getting those phonecalls for the next eight or nine years. (In fact, he gets one while sitting in a diner talking to John in person.) Similarly, when he's on the Sauce, David manages to time-travel and distract a munitions-plant worker into missing a single defective cartridge, which ends up sold to a cop who shoots Dave just after he returns to his body, meaning he manages to accidentally save his own life in an extremely roundabout way. Things that have happened are bound to happen and things that will happen are entirely dependent on the things that have happened already, but the causality is a little hard to follow.
Being high on the Sauce also makes one observant to the point of being essentially psychic; it's not exactly telepathy, it's just knowing. On it, you can look at someone and know not only how much change they have in their pockets, but the years on the coins, and what they dreamed about last night; you can count the grains of rice in a dish and know where they were grown, and who operated the tractor. John and Dave manage to build a bomb by analyzing the molecular properties of various household goods in their heads.
However, moments like that-- where it's useful-- are kind of few and far between, and though the drug is weirdly self-replicating, it's not a reliable supply. It's also entirely unpredictable-- no two trips are ever quite the same, and there's no way of knowing what's going to happen. The Soy Sauce kind of does what it needs to do, which lucky for John and Dave has so far tended to prolong their sorry lives. But they're smart enough not to rely on that.
John is pretty good at basketball, especially when it comes to dunking. Also, he sings and plays guitar, though whether that is an "ability" is up for debate. John's band is possibly the shittiest band in existence.
Also, as previously discussed, John and Dave are occasionally followed around by a creature they call a wigmonster. People who haven't taken the Sauce typically can't see it, and all it really does is occasionally pop up to piss them off and steal their food. The description is as follows:
"The finished creature seemed to be assembled from spare parts. It had a tail like a scorpion curling up off its back. It walked on seven-- yes, seven-- legs, each ending in one of those small, pink infantile hands. It had a head that was sort of an inverted heart shape, a bank of mismatched eyes in an arc over a hooked, black beak, like a parrot's. On its head, no kidding, it had a tuft of neatly groomed blond hair that I swear on my mother's grave was a wig, held on with a rubber band chinstrap."
(Except theirs is a redhead.)
How did your character arrive in Rapture? oops teleporter accident.
Why are you choosing to continue your character's development here from another RP? not relevant yup.
Network sample:
Okay, so is there like, a mailing list we got on or something? Like, Hey, you crossed through that wormhole thing and blew Korrok up with dogshit, here are some other dimensions you might wanna visit? Because it blows, and I'm not interested. Sorry. I know my buddy Dave and I kind of have a reputation but I swear to God we're just two assholes who keep being in the right place at the wrong time and managing not to die horribly, though pretty much everyone around us usually does, so we're probably not the guys you wanna call anyway. And half the time the dog does all the work, anyway, and she's not here.
Also, if you're planning to feed us to any giant super-brain monster things, I assure you both of us taste like shit and I'm pretty sure Dave has hepatitis, so have fun with that.
Don't get me wrong, as alternate dimensions go this is probably one of the better ones-- I like that you decided to go without the giant crowded of faceless naked people this time-- but I got places to be. Beautiful women crying cause I ain't there, you know?
And Dave's probably gotta feed the dog or something.
Log sample:
Please see this thread on the most recent Test Drive Meme.
Name: Alms
Contact: journal pm
Other characters currently played at Ryan's Gulch: N/A
☞ Character Information;
Character Name: John Cheese
Canon: John Dies at the End
OU or AU?: OU - book canon, rather than film, though for simplicity's sake I am using film icons.
Canon point: The end of the book!
Setting: Effectively, the world from which John hails is pretty much the real world, at least up to a point.
The difference between his world and ours (at least, I hope it's different,) is that some seriously bad shit is about to go down. Everyone's got a ghost story, right? That creepy old woman you saw at midnight, walking through your wall... the red eyes glowing under your kitchen sink... waking up paralyzed, surrounded by little gray men? For John, all of that is real... sort of. It might not be what it looks like-- we always kind of see what we expect to see-- but there's something there, something bad, and it wants to get all the way through. After taking a drug of not-so-earthly-origin colloquially known as Soy Sauce, John is able to see all these things that go bump in the night, whether he wants to or not.
To the outside observer, it's business as usual; to those in the know, the forces of Hell (or something near enough to Hell as to be the same thing) are seriously about to crash our party and we're all going to die horribly. And probably miserably, because they've all got the sense of humor of a dimwitted fourteen-year-old boy. But hey, spend long enough seeing things that aren't there, and you get used to even that.
(see here for a bit more info)
History:
(see here for a basic plot synopsis)
John Cheese (not his real name, obviously) was born in a small, undisclosed city in the American Midwest. It's a little bit of a shithole, but overall pretty average-- aside from the fact that it has "more than quadruple the rate of mental illness per capita than any other city in the state." There is little we can say for his early life, except that it was (as his later life) marked by him doing a lot of dumb shit. John went to school with David Wong, and during that time made a habit of reckless, dangerous, and generally ridiculous behavior. He was kicked out of several classes for lewdness, and if they could have proved he'd intentionally blown up that Bunsen burner, he probably would have been expelled.
Since graduating high school (John didn't go to college,) he has been sliding by on this and that. He's been through six jobs in three years, and is the frontman of a band called Three Arm Sally (previously Fat Jackson's Flap Wagon). That's about the sum total of his life, before the Soy Sauce incident: he does the absolute minimum amount of work to get by, never misses a party, and keeps his costs down by surviving primarily on abysmally shitty alcohol and making his friends buy his cigarettes.
Things change (sort of) after a Three Arm Sally show, when John meets a guy with a fake Jamaican accent calling himself Robert Marley, who's offering up a drug he calls Soy Sauce. Showing remarkable forethought and concern for himself, John happily injects the unidentified black substance into his veins.
This is where things get a little fuzzy.
John remembers being at home, faced with a chimeric monster with a hairy scorpion tail, crawling around on seven tiny pink baby hands. It bit through his shoe. He also remembers calling David about twenty times, but he's pretty sure the calls will be spread out over the next decade or so. He remembers going to Vegas to steal some shit from Elton John and save the world, but obviously that hasn't happened yet. He doesn't, however, remember how he got home. Also, he's really not sure about the order of things. Also, pretty much everyone else at the party ends up dead or missing, and "Robert" explodes. Oops.
Anywho, as it turns out, the only call David gets that night is the "please come help me" call, not the "don't come here no matter what you do" call, and of course Dave wants to take him to the hospital. And of course Dave can't see the goddamn monster, even when the thing is hanging off his back. And of course John is still tripping balls on his interdimensional super drug, so he's in no shape to explain things. Anyway, one thing leads to another, and he manages to talk his friend out of going to the hospital; possibly the fact that David receives a temporally misplaced phone call helps. Unfortunately, before long David ends up accidentally dosed with the Sauce, and both of them end up at the police station. And that's where John dies. (Not at the end, though.)
While he's dead, John communicates with Dave through a cell phone, a bratwurst, and later a dog, to guide his friend toward their showdown with spooky evil in Las Vegas. When David and the dog catch up to John and company-- in the back of a stolen van driven by an annoying gangsta kid possessed by demonic insect things calling themselves Shitload-- he manages to get his consciousness back into his body. Which was clearly resuscitated at some point.
Several hideous deaths later, John and Dave and a couple other people end up saving the world in Las Vegas while wearing hideous stage clothes stolen from Elton John's tour bus. A few people end up not only dead but entirely retroactively erased from existence-- including John and Dave's friend Todd, who we've never heard of, because, you know, retroactively erased from existence-- but the forces of evil are driven back. John steals several hundred copies of Albert Marconi's book, and everyone heads home, though not before Molly the wonder-dog wins them a fuck-ton of money in the casinos. Hooray!
But yeah, that's not the end, either.
For a while John and Dave drift apart. They both grow goatees. John goes to jail for a couple of weeks, but it's no biggie. Dave shacks up with Jennifer Lopez (not the actress), tries to live a normal life, and periodically forgets everything that has happened since Vegas. Unfortunately, while the Soy Sauce wears off, the side effects don't-- both are still able to see ghosts and ghouls and creepy shit, and eventually the creepy shir starts demanding attention, so John and Dave team up for some awesome back-asswards ghost busting action, because what else are you gonna do?
Things get really weird, though, when Amy Sullivan goes missing. Amy's the little sister of Big Jim Sullivan, one of the guys from the Vegas adventure; John's been keeping an eye on her, per his promise to Jim. (He also keeps his promise to spread rumors that the ghost of Fred Chu is haunting Undisclosed, because John is an amazing friend.) John enlists Dave's help in trying to find her, and long story short, it turns out this is all part of a complicated part by a giant, evil, obscene organic supercomputer creature in a parallel dimension called Korrok who wants to take over our world and pretty much destroy everyone and everything for its own amusement. Obviously, John and Dave say Fuck that, and set out to wreck some shit. A few more hideous deaths, massive explosions, and one half-shaven dog with diarrhea later, and the world is safe! For now.
Except, it turns out Dave is actually a clone of himself made by Korrok and co., who is probably going to turn into a monster and eat everyone at some point. And the real Dave is dead in Dave's toolshed. But Monster Dave seems pretty much the same as real (dead) Dave, so they pretty much decide to roll with it.
SO, in the end, it's like this: John is working on and off, mostly construction, and playing (terrible) music when he can. Dave is working at Wally's Vid-ee-oh!, and sort of dating Amy Sullivan. Molly the dog is-- well, no one really knows whats wrong with that weird animal. Everyone is happy! But Korrok's still out there, and still pretty much bent on breaking through to kill everyone. Still, life goes on. And Monster Dave sucks as much at basketball as Regular Dave did.
THE END.
Personality:
"Telling the story now, I'm tempted to say something like, 'Who would have thought that John would help bring about the end of the world?' I won't say that, though, because most of us who grew up with John thought he would help end the world somehow."
--David Wong, John Dies at the End
The easiest place to start might be this: John is basically the king of bad ideas. He has a long, sordid history of doing really stupid stuff. He's not stupid, exactly (though he's not that smart either); he just doesn't think of the consequences of his actions-- or at least, he doesn't value the consequences over the immediate gratification of doing something hilarious or exciting or interesting. As Dave says, John has always had "...a terrible habit of carrying out his drunken 3:00 am ideas even after daylight and sobriety came. It was always 3:00 am for John." John lives in the fucking moment, and the sad thing is, that's probably the only thing standing between the whole world and total annihilation right now. You're welcome.
The upside of this is, he's pretty hard to faze-- whether that's because of his tendency towards optimism or the fact that his brain is so fried from years of poor decision-making is debatable. Still, it means that once he takes the Soy Sauce and ends up seeing ghosts and monsters and shit and dying for a while and slipping around in time and communicating from beyond the grave through a bratwurst, he takes to hunting ghosts and saving the world like a fish to water. As Dave explains it, "He's been waiting his whole life for something like this, just to prove the universe is as retarded as he's always pictured it in his head." Habitually attuned to seeing the ridiculous side of things, John is basically never surprised. He operates on a weird mixture of instinct and twisted pop-culture life lessons that end up working out pretty well for him. John leads a charmed life, aside from the fact that evil shit tries to kill him on a regular basis. All in all he's pretty chill.
Other than all the ghost stuff, he's kind of your average burnout slacker dude. He's been through six jobs in three years, and can't decide whether he wants to go into politics (in spite of the fact that he didn't go to college) or porn. He broke his wrist van surfing, he's got burn scars on the back of his thighs (he claims they're from an incident with homemade fireworks; Dave believes it was a failed attempt to build a jetpack), he once shattered a school window by "accidentally" blowing up a Bunsen burner. John once passed out cold in his car, in the line at a drive-thru, after five days of no sleep, no food, fucktons of vodka, and some concoction of household chemicals he was using for speed. This is all perfectly normal in his world. He is an unquestionable thrill-seeker, and essentially he's fearless.
He has absolutely no sense of self-preservation when it comes to getting high. Seriously. Some dude he just met named Bob Marley hands him a syringe full of mysterious, moving black shit and he is up for it. (What the fuck, John.)
All that aside, though, he's actually a pretty good guy. Make no mistake, he's full of shit, but he's pretty straightforward and he will do what he can, in his by-the-ass-of-his-pants chaotic way, to protect the people he gives a shit about and save the world and whatever. He tends to keep his promises, even if you can't trust him to pay you back for dinner. He'll mock his friends mercilessly but he'll stick by them. Even when it turns out you're actually your own evil twin and liable to turn into a vicious, mindless monster at any second.
He's got a surprising knack for making the situation seem less pants-shittingly horrible than it actually is. He is, unquestionably, the guy who will make you laugh so you don't cry.
The overall effect is an immature, thrill-seeking hyperactive puppy of a man-child who's actually pretty good at battling supernatural forces of darkness. Also, he loves talking about his penis. Loves it. He could go on for days.
Abilities: Uh, I think the best thing you can say for John is that he's remarkably resilient and nearly fearless. He might also, potentially, be insane.
Also, due to the fact that he's taken Soy Sauce (and survived), he's capable of seeing things that aren't exactly real in the traditional sense, which means various demonic and monstrous and ghostly things, though it's not entirely reliable and honestly he tends to ignore them most of the time. He also has a bad habit of remembering things that haven't happened yet, for the same reason, though that's really only relevant to his own universe and timeline.
If he gets hold of some of the Sauce, that's a different matter. John describes taking Soy Sauce as "like an Insane Clown Posse concert where all fifty thousand members of the audience are given their own microphone and sound system, and they all start simultaneously improvising bad freestyle rap verses." It heightens senses, and allows one a certain amount of freedom from the constraints of time and space, though there's not much that can really be done to change the outcome of things. Sort of. It's complicated: for example, during his first Soy Sauce trip, John calls David about twenty times, but warns him that he'll probably be getting those phonecalls for the next eight or nine years. (In fact, he gets one while sitting in a diner talking to John in person.) Similarly, when he's on the Sauce, David manages to time-travel and distract a munitions-plant worker into missing a single defective cartridge, which ends up sold to a cop who shoots Dave just after he returns to his body, meaning he manages to accidentally save his own life in an extremely roundabout way. Things that have happened are bound to happen and things that will happen are entirely dependent on the things that have happened already, but the causality is a little hard to follow.
Being high on the Sauce also makes one observant to the point of being essentially psychic; it's not exactly telepathy, it's just knowing. On it, you can look at someone and know not only how much change they have in their pockets, but the years on the coins, and what they dreamed about last night; you can count the grains of rice in a dish and know where they were grown, and who operated the tractor. John and Dave manage to build a bomb by analyzing the molecular properties of various household goods in their heads.
However, moments like that-- where it's useful-- are kind of few and far between, and though the drug is weirdly self-replicating, it's not a reliable supply. It's also entirely unpredictable-- no two trips are ever quite the same, and there's no way of knowing what's going to happen. The Soy Sauce kind of does what it needs to do, which lucky for John and Dave has so far tended to prolong their sorry lives. But they're smart enough not to rely on that.
John is pretty good at basketball, especially when it comes to dunking. Also, he sings and plays guitar, though whether that is an "ability" is up for debate. John's band is possibly the shittiest band in existence.
Also, as previously discussed, John and Dave are occasionally followed around by a creature they call a wigmonster. People who haven't taken the Sauce typically can't see it, and all it really does is occasionally pop up to piss them off and steal their food. The description is as follows:
"The finished creature seemed to be assembled from spare parts. It had a tail like a scorpion curling up off its back. It walked on seven-- yes, seven-- legs, each ending in one of those small, pink infantile hands. It had a head that was sort of an inverted heart shape, a bank of mismatched eyes in an arc over a hooked, black beak, like a parrot's. On its head, no kidding, it had a tuft of neatly groomed blond hair that I swear on my mother's grave was a wig, held on with a rubber band chinstrap."
(Except theirs is a redhead.)
How did your character arrive in Rapture? oops teleporter accident.
Why are you choosing to continue your character's development here from another RP? not relevant yup.
Network sample:
Okay, so is there like, a mailing list we got on or something? Like, Hey, you crossed through that wormhole thing and blew Korrok up with dogshit, here are some other dimensions you might wanna visit? Because it blows, and I'm not interested. Sorry. I know my buddy Dave and I kind of have a reputation but I swear to God we're just two assholes who keep being in the right place at the wrong time and managing not to die horribly, though pretty much everyone around us usually does, so we're probably not the guys you wanna call anyway. And half the time the dog does all the work, anyway, and she's not here.
Also, if you're planning to feed us to any giant super-brain monster things, I assure you both of us taste like shit and I'm pretty sure Dave has hepatitis, so have fun with that.
Don't get me wrong, as alternate dimensions go this is probably one of the better ones-- I like that you decided to go without the giant crowded of faceless naked people this time-- but I got places to be. Beautiful women crying cause I ain't there, you know?
And Dave's probably gotta feed the dog or something.
Log sample:
Please see this thread on the most recent Test Drive Meme.